I started getting daily emails from Amazon Local awhile back, and I guess I have higher priorities in my life than unsubscribing. But a few weeks ago, a salon was running a $70 special for—of all things—mink eyelashes!!!
I’m a former farm kid from northeast Iowa. Dad taught my brother and me how to trap in junior high. Along a two mile stretch on our small creek we harvested muskrats, raccoons, and an occasional barn rat. But it was always a special day when we caught a wily mink.
Needless to say, this “mink eyelashes” thing intrigued me. Here, bullet-pointed for your reading pleasure, is what went through my mind:
- Are they using live mink for this? And why would you want to put an aggressive predator (related to wolverines!) so close to your eyes?! I wonder if that’s what Frank Zappa’s record “Weasels Ripped My Flesh” is about….
- Do they only use one mink, or two? I’d think one would be crowded enough on your face. But you do have two sets of eyelashes…hmm.
- Assuming they’re using dead minks—a much safer option, in my humble opinion—how do they attach them? Jenn-Weld? Gorilla glue? They’re pretty skinny and don’t weigh a lot. But scotch tape wouldn’t hold them. Duct tape?
- Being as slender as they are, aren’t they better designed for eye brows?
- How do you expect to even see with a mink attached to your eyelid? How can you even keep your eyes open? I hope folks aren’t driving after getting this done. They’re already doing enough other stupid things.
- If they’re using the mink’s eyelashes—aren’t they awfully small? A good sized mink measures about two feet, including a cat-like tail. I’m guessing their eyelashes might only be 1/8” long at the most. Wouldn’t cow lashes be more noticeable?
Seventy bucks seems like a lot of money for mink eyelashes, especially with all these disturbing questions. Even if I wanted to get this done, where would the money come from?
I’m not touching my badger toupee fund.